You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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