Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
