Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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