The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Is it because I queefed?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
God, I missed his penis.
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