Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
