Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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