His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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