Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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