Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
