Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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