So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm always down for nudity.
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