i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
