Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
