So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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