You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
