My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
