I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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