i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
