His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
