Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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