My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
