I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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