He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
