At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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