Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
