I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
