I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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