i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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