he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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