it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
