Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
