I love black thongs
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
