I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
