Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
