Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
