I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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