So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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