I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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