she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
