Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
