is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
should my penis look like a turkey
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
