does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
