yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
