PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
