Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
