why didn't you poke me back
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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