theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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