It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
