tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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