I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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