I CAN MOONWALK!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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