My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
